So guy meets girl.
They do what guys and girls do, and girl falls pregnant- no issues no problems simple as that.
Girl gets crazy cravings and cries over her body, guy has a crisis over becoming a Dad.
We've all seen that movie, however in real life its no so simple.
A young, healthy couple only have a 20% chance of falling pregnant, in the tiny 12 hour gap each month, and the pregnancy surviving that first 4 weeks.....
Its a lot more complex and heartbreaking than in the movies.
Its estimated that 1 in 8 couples will face fertility issues.
And when we're young we never believe we will be one of them.
Treatments are getting better all the time, however its still a hard journey, and for some no baby at the end.
So with my own fertility journey lets begin right at the beginning..
When I was young I was the fat bullied kid at school, I could have easy belonged to any 80's/90's kids adventure movie if I was a boy.
I rocked this!
Unlike my kids movie counter part I didn't shrug it of as my part in life, or overcame my bullies by doing an awesome stunt and gained super confidence. As those who have been bullied know, real life isn't like that. I honestly believed it would never end, and by the age of 11 I wanted to die. The age when my biggest concern should be my favorite spice girl, I was deciding how to end my life.
I decided pills, I remember looking for some but then I came to realize something. I wanted to be a mother someday, more than a superhero/actor/marine biologist I wanted a family, and the pills weren't important anymore.
I made a plan I would focus on school, get out of my hometown away from the bullies, make my own life and have a family. Perfect.
The reason I started with this, well all other plans and ambitions changed as I got older however the one thing that didn't change was the certainly that I would have my own family one day.
No problems.
Not at all.
When I was 23 my fertility was still unknown, just something I took for given, however after coming off the injection my periods never came back. After a year and several doctors appointments it apparent something was wrong. It took several more years and many many many blood tests and MRI's before I received an official answer - Prolactinoma
Prolactinoma,is a group of small brain tumors (non-cancerous) that grow on the pituitary gland, creating a rise in prolactin, the hormone that's responsible for breast milk (many suffers actually start producing it, even men!), however it creates too much and drowns other key hormones needed for egg release. Thus fooling the body into thinking its pregnant in someways while also stopping it from being able to.
I like to think they look like this;
So now I had a reason, but it wasn't so simple.
Although I could start treatment, for let the tumors grow large enough to operate, my future fertility was no assured and thanks to the tumors (which can come back any time) I could go into early menopause. I was 25 by this time, 25 and dealing with signs of menopause, 25 thinking that was it I would never have my own baby. It was tough, one of my friends was pregnant at the time, and like many woman facing fertility issues the whole world seemed to be pregnant expect for me.
Once again I felt I had no reason to go on living.
But then after months of treatment, 3 years since they disappeared my period returned. I swear I was the most excited woman in the world over my period. The tablets were working, tests confirmed the tumors were shrinking, slowly my body was returning to semi-normal.
The doctors still told me that my fertility was still an issue and the menopause could still be round the corner, but finally there was hope, and we would just have to wait and see.
Now you may be thinking, whats this got to do with PND
Well I think because I was so convinced children were key to my life, and then facing fertility issues put pressure on me for everything to be right when I had my son.
I foolishly had a belief in the back of my mind once I became a mother everything would be ok...
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