Adventures with..delays

Well yeah its been a while again and all I can say is 

 

Its been a tough view weeks Rowan has been ill, Pat has been ill, I have been ill, teething and this week we have all had (and me and Rowan still have the stomach bug), throughout it all Rowan has been going though a clingy phase which has matched up "nicely" with a low phase I've been going though.

I know some of it is out of my control - my hormones have been going crazy because of my thyroid meds, making me feel like a mess and like I'm back a stage one. Only not shell shocked with a sleepy newborn, shell shocked with a active grumpy infant who wants his mummy's attention 24/7.

But i've gotten help, the correct dose for my thyroid for one thing! and me and Rowan are doing well, apart from a visit from the stomach bug fairy turning our home into a plague house.

So all back to normal soon 

soonish

 

Adventures in..Miscarriage

Wow well this ones going to be sad, so here is some cute animals to break it up a little.

                                                 

So lets not skirt around the issue its time to talk about miscarriage.
It is estimated that 1 in 5 pregnancies will end in miscarriage, and occurs in 1 out of 4 women, its a cruel but very common event. 
Sometimes it happens before the woman even knew she was pregnant, or just after that life changing postive result.
And cruelty it can just happen.
Yet we don't talk about it.
Something that effects millions of women each year, that happens everyday we don't talk about.

For us it was August 2014 and what has been dubbed Schrödinger's pregnancy. 
It was my birthday 2014, and I was feeling different. we had been trying for a few months, I was very very late, almost 20 days, I was feeling weird, sore, dizzy and super hormonal, so I took a test preying for a positive result and nothing! Dud result so I decided to give it a few more days, and wait til the weekend, however my body had other ideas.
                                      

                                    

When the bleeding came it was nothing like I had experienced before, far too heavy, far to painful and I felt awful. I had late and bad periods before but this was different, but for some reason I felt too silly to go to the doctor, and felt like I should get on with it. After all I never got that positive result.
It was only addressed months later when I saw my midwife, he asked my history and what my cycles were like, which led to me discussing August, as my period was never right after that (until my pregnancy)
Then he wrote it in my notes, "suspected miscarriage" and that was it.
Always suspected, but never sure my Schrödinger's pregnancy.
Which is why typing this I feel like a con, like without proof I cant grieve or share my experience, when I know those who suffered that positive result or the hell of miscarriage near the 12 week mark.
But it doesn't stop me thinking about what happened or what could have been, especially since something similar happened a few weeks ago (hence why I haven't updated) which gave me nightmares about miscarriage since.

I promise the next one will be fun just needed to get this out, as unknown as it was, it was still part of my pregnancy journey.

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Adventures in..Baby making!

So time passes,
We get house, better jobs and get married. 
Like many couples we think about the future, only with us, me pushing 30, and chance of early menopause that seamed very uncertain, but a bridge to cross when it came to it.
And it came to it.
In the spring of 2014 my hospital consultant told me, frankly if we wanted children we did not want to wait, as the grim madame of menopause was hanging over my shoulder.

                                               As we all know she takes the form of Pat Butcher

So we decided to try. 
Bringing me to the list of things people do when trying for a baby!

1. Sit upside down
2. Research on the internet
3. Get the apps
4. Attack like a predator when it is that "time"
5. Will tell ourselves we will never do the above!

And of course you will always run into people who tell you they just have to look at a penis to get pregnant.

                               Well done, congratulations! Do you want a prize? you got one a baby! 

In the grand-scheme of things we were lucky. It took less than a year and we didn't need any help, a few bumps but everything went fine. However after we had been trying for few months, I started getting the baby blues.

It was all I could think about. 

I had a spell of it a few years previously when a close friend fell pregnant, just as I got the diagnosis and the warning that I may not be able to have children. 

This broke me, however when we were trying I felt worse, as 11 friends all announced they were pregnant (most within the same month) this damn well killed me!

I felt wrong and cruel. I knew I should be happy for them but every time I was told, or saw the announcement I wanted to scream, cry, scream again, cry a lot.

                                      

                                                                   Congratulations I'm so happy for you! 

Worse was the friends trying to "comfort you" but telling you how parenthood ruined their lives and body, of course we know you trying to help but it was just a reminder of what we didn't have. 

It was a weird time being excited for our friends, but wanting to spit at the computer every time they showed a new ultrasound.

But it did happen for us, and for that I'm grateful.

And like many people will tell you, when we relaxed, took a break from trying, and got drunk (not recommended by doctors!) that's when it happened.

So my advise for those trying, based on my experience

• Take regular breaks from the apps, plans and hopes. The more pressure you put on yourself is more stress for your body. Have a chilled fun month!
• Take care of yourself step back and take a mental break from it, have a night out, pamper yourself, go on a mini adventure or watch Idris Elba films.
• Take care of your relationship yours a couple wanting a baby not machines!
• Take care of both your bodies if you both want this, you both need to make changes! There's no point you cutting out caffeine and other vices, if he's drinking every night. Your lifestyle effects your swimmers!
•  Its OK to ask for help go to your doctors, even if its not for treatment they can recommend changes you can make to help prepare your body. And if its been a year they can help.

and when your low just think of Idris...

..I mean think of your partner! of course! ...um...